Only One Call
by SwitzerLandGirl
Summary: Every decision you make in your life, reflect upon your future, and alters it. So what if a decision was made differently? What would change? What if Bella picked up the phone in New Moon, and not Jacob?
1. Chapter 1

_No! I hadn't made this decision yet. I didn't know if I could do this, and now I was out of time to think. But I would have been a fool if I thought rejecting him now would have no consequences.  
I stared back at him. He was not my Jacob, but he could be. His face was familiar and beloved. In so many real ways, I did love him He was my comfort, my safe harbor. Right now, I could choose to have him belong to me._

_Keeping his eyes on mine, Jacob began to bend his face twoard me. And I was still absolutely undecided. The shrill ring of the phone made us both jump, but it did not break his focus. He took his hand from under my chin and reached over me to grab the receiver, but still held my face securely with the hand against my cheek._

For a moment I was too muddled to react, too distracted by my own thoughts, and it seemed I didn't even notice the phone ringing. For a second. In the next second my head cleared, my thoughts disappeared completely, and with a blank face, and an even more blank mind I quickly reached for the phone, before he could grasp it with his fingers. I needed the distraction.  
"Hello?" I could feel my voice shake as I spoke.  
On the other side of the line there was silence. No answer. It was all too silent.  
"Hello?" I repeated more confident, getting irritated by the apparent prank caller. Even though, I felt strange gratitude for him, or her, calling in that exact moment.  
"Bella." the words on the other side were just a silent whisper, but even though it was barely loud enough to hear, I knew, that second, I knew who's voice that was.  
"Ed... Edward?" my voice was returning to it's shaking state, cracking at the end. My legs felt numb, and my entire body started shaking. I could sense Jacob beside me tense. But I didn't care. The whole world seemed to stop and for all I cared that second, it could have crashed and burned. It was Edward.  
" Edward, please..." the words just left my mouth. I needed to keep him talking. I needed to make him come back. I needed to tell him how miserable my life is without him in it. I had to tell him he **was** my life. That life lost all meaning when he left. I needed him more than I needed air, and he had to know, even if he didn't care any more, he had to know.  
As soon as I opened my mouth to speak, at least try and articulate words, the line went dead, and Edward, has once again, left me standing alone and confused. Why would he let me talk? After all, he didn't care. Why would it matter to him that I was n pain? That I felt, not like someone ripped my heart out, but like my heart never even existed. He's busy. He has his distractions. I mean nothing to him now, why did I even think he would care? Why did hearing his voice make my missing heart beat again?  
I could feel my knees weaken, I knew I couldn't stand any more. And as my legs started to shake, I had a pretty good guess, I was about to faint.  
The next time I opened my eyes there was a worried Jacob holding me in his hands.  
"Bella, what happened? What did he say?! Did he hurt you again?! I swear I'll-" he started talking, his voice filled with anger and worry.  
" He said nothing." I prompted, cutting him off. I felt like all air was kicked out of my lungs and all I could feel was horrible pain. I was rejected from him, again. "He said nothing." I said again, unable to find any other words. And here, I thought I couldn't get more broken. The next thing I saw was Alice standing next to me, worry crossed her face.  
"What did you do to her mut?!" she shifted her face to look at Jacob, wrinkling her nose in disgust. I could see her body tense, ready to attack him.  
"Nothing, you leach. Your wonderful brother did this to her again. I knew nothing good could happen when you came back. Stupid bloodsucker." Jacobs response was sharp, full of anger, resentment, pure hate. I saw his whole body was shaking, like he was going to explode.  
"Stop it." I found my voice finally. Pushing back the memory of Edwards painful call. I had to stop them from killing each other. "The both of you." I tried pushing Jacob away, but that didn't do much good, he didn't even feel anything.  
"Jake. Do you mind?" I said desperate looking up at his confused gaze before he unlocked his iron grasp on me.  
"Thank you." I said, inhaling deeply before my eyes flickered from Jake to Alice. "Now, could you two behave for a moment?"  
I could hear Jakes disgusted snort. " Feel free to leave any time Jacob. As long as you're on **my** territory there will be no fighting of any sort." I crossed my arms over my chest in a slow movement.  
"Yeah, yeah. What happened?" his voice was was impatient. And I wasn't sure if I could articulate the words to answer that question. "What did he want?"  
There was clear impatience on Alices face, she was annoyed by being in the dark.  
"I don't know what _he_ wanted . _He_ hung up." I managed to answer, pushing back the memory of the dead line, which oddly remembered me of how my heart beat must sound like at this moment. Dead. Anger flared across Jacobs face, and I wasn't sure whether it was because of the fact that I was obviously extremely hurt with Edward hanging up on me, or because Edward managed to hurt me again, even though he was standing not one feet away from me.  
"Edward called?" it was Alice's cool voice that spoke now, with a trace of confusement. It hurt more than I thought it would. To hear his voice.  
"Yes. And he hung up without saying any thing." I couldn't help but feel even more hurt now that I actually said it so clearly and out loud.  
"Than how do you know it was him?"  
"He said Bella."  
"Oh." Alice finally gave up her questioning. "I'm sorry." She whispered looking down.  
"For what?" I asked confused.  
"For everything."  
As she said that, I found that I was too tired to let this puzzle me. This whole thing drained me, along with the collapsing part, and all I wanted to was just sit down. Rest. Alice could see that.  
"Bella, why don't you go sleep for a while?" she said, her tone clearly indicating it was more of an order than a request. Even though I fought the thought, I was tired. Sleeping next to Alice wasn't exactly comfortable sleep, of course, for me, it was better than the softest bed in the world. And now this managed to drain most of my strength. Laying down for just a bit couldn't hurt, could it?  
"Fine, O.K. I'll go lay down." I mumbled, my face shifting to face Jake, who was already looking at me, obviously torn up inside. "Jake…" I started, not knowing what to say.  
"I'll talk to you later Bell. Bye." He said, kissing my forehead softly, before rushing through the door and into the forest.  
"Bye Jake." I whispered to thin air. Finally I turned to Alice. She raised her eyebrow, slightly disgusted.  
"You know, now you're gonna really have to used decontaminator on your forehead." She said crossing her arms over hear chest. I laughed. For the first time that day, I laughed. "Come on, let's go." Alice said pulling me towards the couch. She turned the TV on and sat down, pulling me next to her. I sat there, watching TV, not even knowing what exactly I was looking at when, after a few hours, I just drifted to another dreamless sleep, leaning on Alice's cold, stone shoulder.  
I woke up a while later in my own bed. It was dark outside, night time. Alice was sitting in the rocking chair in the corner, her pale face watching me. I pushed back the memory of Edward sitting in that chair in pain, forcing a smile on my face.  
She smiled back. "Sleep well?" she asked politely.  
"Yap." I said stretching "Is Charlie home yet?" I asked suddenly remembering Harry's funeral, with a trace of guilt.  
"No. He called to tell you he'll be staying with Billy tonight. I told him it was more than O.K. that we'll find something to entertain us." She said a grin spreading across her face. I smiled.  
"So, what do you want to do?" I asked, having the feeling she already planned the day, or the night for us.  
"Talk." She said looking at me from the corner of her eyes "About Edward."  
My whole body suddenly went numb, and I could feel strange pain in the place where my heart used to be.  
"What about Edward?" I asked carefully. Making an effort to pronounce his name, without feeling pain.  
"Listen Bella. Coming here, it was a mistake. Don't get me wrong, I love you like a sister Bella-" she started talking and raised her hands up in defense "- but it was still a mistake. I promised him I won't come and bother you. I won't interfere in your life at all, not even with my visions, and for that I apologize. I hadn't looked at your future on purpose, it was just, sort of like a big thing. You jumping of a cliff for _fun_-" she hissed the word fun "-in any case. Edward's not coming back. You should know that. Why he called today, I don't know. Maybe it wasn't him, maybe you just thought it was him, cause you would have liked it if it was him. I shouldn't have stayed Bella. I know. I just didn't want to leave you, after you got so excited, but I am going to leave. Soon. And I am not going to let you throw a hiss fit, and make it a big deal. Just, pretend I wasn't even here when I leave. And I can promise you this, Edward will know nothing of my little visit to you." She finally finished and looked at me, her eyes slightly sad.  
Why did this feel like exactly the same conversation Edward said when he was about to leave? _It will be as if I never existed._  
"But Alice-" I started to talk. Tried to explain I was positive it was Edwards voice. I wanted to tell her I'd know his voice any where cause it was the only thing that really mattered in my life.  
"No but's, and if's are allowed Bella. That is how it's going to be, whether you like it or not." She said her voice strict, until finally, I could see her eyes soften "I'm sorry Bella. I really am." She added as I tried to figure out whether she was sorry for leaving and making me go through the pain again, or for coming here in the first place.  
"I'm sorry too." I said, barely audible. I watched her as she stood up walking out of the room. She stopped at the door and looked at me.  
"Come on, I rented a movie." She said turning to walk again. I was lifeless, and I couldn't care less what movie she rented. Why did every one keep leaving me? We sat at the couch and I snaked myself around Alice's hand, inhaling her sent, determined to get as much of it locked in my memory. I watched the whole film, my mind blank, and after it finished I couldn't remember even the slightest what it was about. Alice put in a new movie and we kept pretending as if noting changed since yesterday. She would occasionally make a funny comment towards the awful clothes that they dressed the actors in or something else, and I would laugh, just as we always did, but nothing was the same. She was gonna leave me, and I didn't know how I'll take it. I tried preparing myself for it, thinking about it, but all I got from that was a headache and pain, so I dropped it. For now. She probably won't be leaving till after a few days. I have time. After the second film finished I was already half asleep again, beginning to wonder if Alice gained another vampire skill next to having visions. Making people sleepy. Or maybe it was just the day I had and the things that happened. Lately, I wasn't used to so much stress in one day, I myself would be afraid of having a heart attack. But since my heart was long gone and missing, there was really nothing to worry about. This time I drifted to sleep, hearing Edwards sweet voice whisper Bella, inside my head, and in my dream, he loved me again.  
Edward was sitting next to me, in the meddow, looking at me like he used to. Soft, as if he loved me. And he kissed my neck, softly, carefully, every move he made carefully calculated. And every kiss he gave me, every move and touch he made was full of affection. And even though I knew it was a dream, I never wanted to wake up. I prayed I'd never wake up. Than, all of a sudden, Edward looked at me. His eyes were red. Red like blood, and his cocky grin turned into a wicked smile. Evil. I screamed. Fear storming through my body and the only words on my mind were. _Please, wake up._ He grabbed me, his cold hands pining my wrists to the ground, and I screamed again, this time in pain. I could see him bend his head, heading for my neck, and something made me think he wasn't going to turn me into a vampire. And than there was a howl somewhere from the woods. A howl of fury, pain and anger, right before a shaggy brown wolf came into the clearing. It ran fast towards me and Edward, and howled again, before jumping on Edward and knocking him over. I just kept sitting there in shock. I watched them both wrestle, heard their calls in pain, and I screamed. I screamed till it felt like my lungs would burst and there was no air left in me. They fought for a while, and I just stared in terror, before finally, there was a heartbreakingly painful howl, and Jacob-wolf was laying on the floor in a puddle of blood. "NO!" I could hear myself scream. Not Jacob. Not my Jacob. Edward was coming towards me now, and I had no strength to move away. My eyes were glued to the scene of Jacob laying lifeless on the ground. I could feel Edward grabbing me and raising me in the air. And it was all over. I was about to die. I saw Jacobs head slowly turn in my way, with the last atoms of strength. And somewhere in my head I heard his voice say 'I love you'. And I knew that even though he couldn't have said it that moment, I knew it was what he would say if he could. "I love you too." I said out loud, looking into his eyes, before Edward sunk his teeth somewhere in my neck. And I knew, it was all over.  
I woke up screaming. My whole body shaking. I noticed, that once again, I was up in my bed. My eyes flickered to the clock. 4 pm. I looked around the room trying to find Alice. She wasn't here. Maybe she went out hunting. I stood up, stretching. It felt like all I ever did these days was sleep. I went towards the door and into the kitchen. Charlie still wasn't here. Slowly I took the box of cereal and poured milk in it. And it wasn't until I started eating that I realized how hungry I really was. I ate in a hurry, feeling distracted by the silence and the fact I was all alone. After finishing breakfast I pushed the bowl into the sink and went back upstairs. The house never seemed more silent. Something was wrong. I knew something was wrong. I pushed the door of my room open, half expecting to see Alice sitting in the chair again. She wasn't. But there was something there. A folded piece of paper. I walked swiftly, almost ran towards the chair. Tears already storming down my face. I knew what was written on that piece of paper. I knew what that paper meant. I opened it, my hands shaking severely.

_**Dear Bella.  
You know I was never fond of goodbyes. I just thought it would be better to leave now, until you get used to my presence in your life. I'm sorry Bella. I hope that one day you will forgive me.  
Love, Alice.**_

And right than, I fell on the ground, my whole body shaking. And the tears that were storming down my cheeks, hurt like razorblades. And they just kept coming, coming down for hours, and finally, it started to seem, like they will never stop.


	2. Chapter 2

I knew my heart was missing. Long gone. I myself was drifting somewhere in between torture and pain. I was completely lost. They left me all alone again. They left, and with them all hope was gone. I thought my heart couldn't ache any more, I thought it ceased to exist that day Edward left, but it still hurt. Could that be possible? Can something gone still hurt? Maybe it was the memory that hurt, stabbed me like a knife. All that was left of me was a shell. Empty, hallow, and all meaning was gone. The meaning for any thing. Life lost all reason, and as I clutched to that paper, the last thing I had left from my vampire family, the one thing that proved Alice was really here, I cried my soul out. It was over. It was all over. I could still smell Alices sent, the perfect perfume her body seemed to smell like, on my skin. I would never see her again. That thought hurt more than it should have.

"Bella?" I could hear Jacobs voice from somewhere downstairs. What time was it? I lost all sense in direction and for me time was standing still. It was the end of life. At least mine. I wanted to call out for him. I wanted to scream. But I couldn't. I just lay completely lifeless on the ground, shaking, tears falling down my cheek. It felt as if I could never be happy again.

"Bella?" he called out again, I knew he'd leave if I didn't respond now. He would think I was out with Alice. Shopping, maybe. Oh how I wished that'd actually be true. I could hear him opening the front door again.

"Jake." I mouthed the words, unsure if I even spoke them out loud, hoping to God he heard me. The pain was killing me. In a matter of seconds I could see a dark shape kneeling beside me. He lifted me in his arms. How good it felt to see his face. Suddenly my last night dream got my attention. I could still see him, laying there, covered in blood. Dead. And I just started crying even harder. Loosing him, I wouldn't be able to bare that too. I would go insane. I would literally die of a broken heart.

"Bella?! Bella, what happened? Bella please. Where's that little bloodsucker? Did she do this to you?!" his voice was extremely high pitched. I put an effort in facing him. His face looked older than usually, different emotions playing on it. I could see his face covered with extreme worry, anger, pain, panic. It was eating him out. I tried speaking. I tried explaining she hadn't done any thing but leave me, which was the worst thing she could have really done. The only thing that could inflict so much pain to me.

"Left." I mouthed, completely inaudible, at least to me. It felt as if I was trapped in a nightmare and no matter which way I looked there was no way out, and the pain was killing me. I could even feel myself wither away.

"She left?" he repeated, pain showing on his face. I knew he'd be hurt seeing me like this just because she left me. In a matter of seconds the pain was replaces with sorrow and worry. "I'm so sorry Bell." He added finally, hugging me closer to his warm body. And I knew he wasn't the least bit sorry she left. He was sorry to see me in pain. Just like it hurt me to see him in pain. I slowly managed to raise my arms around his neck and hug myself closer to him, sobbing into his chest. He stood up, with me in his arms and carried me to the rocking chair in the corner. Than he sat there, softly rocking me in his arms, silently whispering in my ear.

"It's going to be O.K Bella. I'm hear now. It's going to be ok." And those were the last things I hear before I finally lost consciousness.

As I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Jacobs face, twisted in pain. And for the time, I let the pain of losing my heart drift away, I didn't like seeing him like this.

"Hey." I said my voice cracking. I cleared my throat once. "What's wrong?" I asked looking into his eyes, raising my hand to touch his face. He looked at me, his eyes full of sadness. It stabbed me like a knife.

"You. Had a nightmare." He finally said with a sigh, looking away. I frowned. Why would that hurt him so? What possible dream could I have had?

"About…?" I said impatiently, wanting to get to the bottom of this.

He looked at me again, slowly tilting his head, right than I noticed how tired he looked. As if all the worry of the world was on his back. I wanted to ask him to let me carry a little of the weight right before he spoke.

" You… You screamed, something like 'No, not him.' And than kept mumbling how every one you ever loved leaved you, and how all the people you care about keep leaving you." He said looking down on me, hurt. For a second I was absolutely and utterly confused. It hurt him much more than it should have. Until finally the puzzle fell together. He must have thought I love the Cullens, and didn't care for him. Stupid boy.

"Oh, Jake. You know I love you… I had a nightmare where you died." I started talking slowly finding my voice, pushing back the memory of his dead body " I just. Don't know how I'd handle you leaving, or losing you, now. Every one I thought cared for me left me. They all keep leaving me. What's wrong with me? Am I so unlovable?" and as I finished tears started to fall silently down my cheeks again, and I welcomed the pain back.

"Oh Bella. Silly Bella." He said hugging me more tightly than necessary and I found it hard to breath, but I said nothing. It felt so good, feeling the warmth of his hug, now that I was cold and lonely. "I would never leave you. Listen to me. I love you, more than I love any one in the world. I would never dare hurting you. Can you imagine how much pain I would feel if I did so? If I hurt you like that? I hate seeing you like this. I hate seeing you cry. I wish I could make it stop. All the pain they did to you. I wish you'd just never cry. I wish I could just make you happy-"he wiped my tears away with his warm hand"-but I can't. No matter how much I want it. To be the one to make you happy. If I knew how to bring him back to you, how to make this pain stop I would do it. I would do any thing, cause this is killing me Bell. You have no idea how much this hurts." He shook his head in despair, letting out a long sigh. I could see he was trying to calm down. And all I wanted to do was reach for him. Kiss his frowning forehead, make him smile again. I bit back the stream of tears that were welding up in my eyes. He looked at me again, a small smile flickering on his lips. It didn't reach his eyes. "I'll never leave you Bella. Never. You'll always have me. I'll always be here for you. And when it seems like the whole world is crashing, and no one cares, and you're all alone, just remember me, cause I'll always be here, I'll always care, and you'll never be alone. I won't allow that to happen. That bloodsucker of yours is stupid. He has no idea what he turned his back too. You're amazing Bella. Absolutely amazing." While he spoke, I could see love growing in his eyes. He really did love me. And by the end, by the time he finished, I was already sobbing hard into his chest. It were the nicest things anyone ever told me. I was speechless. I had no idea what to tell him. And as I looked into his eyes, I felt the strangest feeling. I felt butterflies. Some where deep inside me I felt butterflies. I shook my head, as the feeling left.

" Thank you. " I said actually being able to smile at him. I smiled. Something I thought I won't be able to do for months, years, a life time. He was my safe harbor, my Sun, my hope. " I love you Jake. " the words, as I said them, felt different. As if something had change from the first time I said the words. I made the feeling go away. Forget about it. It was just because the moment was emotional. Nothing more.

"Shush now." He said slowly rocking me again. Placing his chin on my head. I closed my eyes leaning on him. He was my antidote. The one who was able to make the pain less horrible. The one who was able to calm me down when I was having hysterics. He was my Jacob. And so we sat there. A long time. Hours maybe. His soft rocking calming me down, making me forget about the pain my missing heart caused. And time passed by slow, and we didn't even notice, and we didn't even care. It just didn't matter. It was a long time after that I finally remembered Charlie.

" Jake. Where's Charlie? " I asked not moving an inch. I didn't want to move even the slightest.

"Oh, I didn't tell you? He'll stay at the reservation another day. Billy's a mess. And the rest of them. It's very depressing. So he sent me to come here and stay with you girls. " he mumbled, and I cold feel his body tense slightly. Harry's death cause many wounds. Though, I knew he had no plan on staying if Alice was still here. Pain. I pushed it away again.

" It's not that much better here." I said darkly. All I've been doing since he came was cry, and honestly, I wasn't sure if I was capable of doing any thing else.

He laughed "Yes, true. But I don't mind. I get to be with you. " he shrugged, his voice soft.

I smiled slightly. I was unbelievably glad he came, not even wanting to think of what would have happened if I was still in here alone.

"Jake. Thank you. You know how much I need you.." I whispered lightly, hugging him closer, my face leaning on his shoulder.

"Yeah. I know Bell." He said, and I could feel how happy me saying that made him "I need you too you know." He added.

"I know."

And finally we were left in silence again. The only thing I could hear, was him humming an Indian song I didn't know. And all was good. For now at least.


	3. Chapter 3

Time passed by extremely slowly. Minutes seemed like hours, and it was as ifwe've been just sitting there for ages. Jacob didn't seem to mind. Holding me like that in his arms, with me sobbing from time to time my face burried in his chest. Still, i could see he was unhappy with seeing me sad like this again, right when things were starting to look up. I could hear him sighing every now and than. It bothered me.  
„Jake, you O.K?" I asked carefully after another one of his deeply sorrowed sighs. He looked at me, his eyes somewhere far away, a smile that was so obviouslly fake, at least to me, placed on his face.  
„Peachy." He answered simply, looking away again, somewhere through the window. I, being very unsatesfied with his answer, just kept glaring up at him. Finally he looked down, and laughed.  
„dmnit Bella, you look like you're going to burn me with your thoughts. Actually, I think my head is starting to ache." He said smiling, and fora second it even reached his eyes. Before they were covered with pain and sorrow again. He sighed, and looked away. „Is it so obvious somethings wrong?" he asked looking at me from the corner of his eyes.  
„Yes, it is to me."  
He chuckled and fell silent, looking at some undentefied object out the window. I was fighting to urge to bite him.  
„I will hit you if you don't start speaking." I said my voice dead serious.  
At that he looked at me, a unhappy smile on his face „ Much good that'd do you, you'd prolly just break your hand." He said matter of factly.  
„I could risk that." My voice was dark, it was extremely irritating he didn't seem to take me seriously.  
He looked at me for a few moment, debating whether to tell me or not, and than finally he gave up.  
„Fine. You'll get mad." He said eyeing me, before looking at his unknown object through the window. I followed his gaze, trying to identify what he was looking at. Nothing.  
„ Try me." I said giving up my search for the unexisting dot.  
Taking a deep breath, he started" I just don't get you. He left you. They all did. They left you all broken and in pieces with that Red bloodsucked after you and you still mourn them. You act as if you're dead without them, all lifeless, when you're not. I know you're not. I picked up the pieces when the first left. I was here, gluing you together, watching that spark slowly return to your eyes. They left you without looking back. But I'm here, I always was here, and I always will be. And I love you. Right now. Why won't you realize that? I'm getting tired of looking at you when you're acting like this,like you'll never love again now that that leach left, when I know you already do love someone else. Me. Maybe not like him maybe you'll never love me like him, but love me you do. And it's normal you won't forget your first love, you'll prolly always love your first love but that doesn't mean you can't love someone else too-„ he just kept talking, slowly starting to make no sense at all. I raised my hand to cover his mouth. I wasn't really mad at him, but I was fgrowning. He noticed and the room fell silent. After a few seconeds I sighed and looked at him.  
„ Jake." I whispered his name „ Jake, Edward wasn't my first love he was my only love. My one and only Jake. And it's not that i can't fall in love with someone else. It's just thati don't want to. He's the only one I want, and i'm so sorry Jake. I know I hurt you, too much, and do love you, but i love you lieka friend. You're my best friend. My antidotre. My own personal Sun, but I will never love you the way I love Edward-„ this time I started talking and the words just wouldn't stop. They kept comming and comming till the point I couldn't even understand whati was talking about. When I finally finished, inhaled the air I really needed, he just laughed. I glared at him. He was laughing at me?  
„ Bella, Bella, you talk about love as if it's a rational thing. Something you can decide upon. You should know that it's not. Love, it just happens. It's like, like, like wine. You taste it and you may like it, or not, but if you do like it, with time it just becomes an addiction. And it's not like you chose to like the wine so much, you just do..." and for a seconed his mumbling made absolute sense, and than again, he was talking about wine, so I wished he'd get back to the point. And right when I wanted to tell him that, he started talking again " Any way, you see Bell, I didn't really look at you and say' Fall in love with her.' and than I fell in love. I just... You made my life colorfull when it was all black and white, you made my heart beat in a way I didn't think possible, just by existing, being yourself. And I didn't chose it. It just happened. One day I just... I couldn't take my eyes off you. So don't go telling me what, or who, you chose to love when you are not given that option. And i already know you love me, you'll see."  
I could feel my mouth drop by the time he had finished. I never saw Jacob being so, poetic.  
„ Jacob... I ... I didn't know you were so... so... so... Good at speaches." I managed to mumble looking up at him.  
He smiled „ People do crazy tings, when they're in love." He said shrugging.  
I just kept starring at him. The words he said. They seemed so logical, so likely to be true, so beautiful. I blushed, for no reason at all, and my mind started yelling curses at me. And so I just sat there, with nothing to say, silence once again surrounding us.  
Untill finally, an hour or so later, Jacob spoke again.  
„Bell, I think I'll go home. Check up on Billy and every one..." he said looking down at me and than seeing my panicked expression quickly added „I'll be back soon. Trust me."  
I nodded, still being completely unable to speak. He stood up with me in his arms and let me down. It felt very odd, standing on my feet for so long, so I stubled almost falling. But Jake cought me, a chuckle escaping his lips.  
„ You gonna survive on your own for 2 hours? I'd hate to come and see you fell down the stairs and broke your neck." He said quite seriously, even though I knew it was a joke. At least it I hoped it was. I nodded again.  
He started walking down stairs and I followed, I was slow, but I was walking. As we reached the door he turned and kisssed my forehead. I could feel myself blush again, and gave myself a mental slap for it. As he started to walk away i finally found my voice.  
„Why Jake?" I croaked out watching his every move.  
He looked at me puzzled „Well, i mean, i need new clothes, and to check up on billy and the rest of them , it was a mess when I left – „ he started talking, obviouslly taking the question very wrongly.  
„ No, Jake.Why do you bother so much? Over me. I'm nothing special." I said silently, and i could see him comming back. I was too affraid to look into his eyes, not knowing what i'll find there.  
„ Don't you ever say that." He almosr growled „ You're everything special. And you know that. You're amazing. I hope I don't ahev to list all the reasons why...?" he said angrily.  
I nodded again.  
„ And why I bother... I bother cause I know you love me, and i know you'll realize that too. No matter how long it takes, and I'll be here, waiting. I know I can make you happy, you just need to give me a chance to prove it. Have a little faith will you Bell? But I'll wait you know, no matter how long, I'll wait. Cause you're worth it." with that he kissed my forehead again and the next time I raised my eyes all I could see, was a big brown wolf running deeper into the forest. I stood at the door for an unreasonable amount of time. Holding the door open with one hand, eyes focused on the forest. All the words Jacob said drifting through my head. Until finally, I could hear my heart beating again.


	4. Chapter 4

I just stood there, my hand over my chest, still shocked by the hyperactive way my heart was beating. It was odd. Hearing the rhythmical beating of a thing I considered missing.

_Because you're worth it._

_I'll wait you know, no matter how long, I'll wait_

_You do love me, you just need to realize that too._

His words kept echoing through my head and I closed my eyes, trying to push back his words. They couldn't be true. I love Edward, I always loved Edward, how can I love Jake? I can't Not in the way he wants me too. And he deserves better. He deserves someone who isn't broken like me. Someone who will give him her heart, and I can't be that girl for the most simple reason. My heart is already given away. To Edward. For eternity. It had 'Property of Edward Cullen' carved into it. Edward owned my heart and no one else. Ever. After Edward left, all meaning was gone, there was no reason for anything, like all the light in my life was gone and I was left alone in the dark. My Heart. I was so positive it was long lost, gone along with Edward, and yet here it was now, beating in my chest. Because of Jacob. I sighed and walked inside the house, slowly climbing up the stairs.

_But I'm here_...

I shook my head. Hearing his voice hurt too much.

_I always was here…_

A silent scream left my lips as I ran inside my room, slamming the door behind me with strong force.

_I always will be here…_

Shut up, Jake!

_And I love you._

I fell down on the ground, a sob leaving my chest. Why did hearing him say that maker me act this way? Why did it hurt so much. Accidentally I hit a button on my stereo, and after such a long time, music began to drift from the dusty speakers.

_**Feel your every heartbeat  
Feel you on these empty nights  
Calm the ache, stop the shakes  
You clear my mind  
You're my escape  
From this messed up place  
'Cause you let me forget  
You numb my pain**_

My tear covered face shot up, staring blankly at the stereo. The first song I heard in months, and it's a song that describes my feelings completely. And all I wanted was to turn it off. Make it stop. Ignore the feelings that were rising in my stomach, but I couldn't. I couldn't even move. I just sat paralyzed at the floor, tears storming down my face. I don't love Jacob. Not like that. I love him as a friend, a brother. Not a lover. Never a lover. Edward was my first and only, I will never love anyone but Edward.

_**How can I tell you just all that you are  
What you do to me**_

_**You're better than drugs  
your love is like wine  
Feel you comin' on so fast  
Feel you comin' to get me high  
You're better than drugs  
Addicted for life  
Feel you comin' on so fast  
Feel you comin' on to get me high**_

My eyes went wide. It was exactly what Jacob said.

_Love… It's like, like, like wine._

Exactly what he said. And it was exactly how I felt. No! I love only Edward. I love only Edward. I love only Edward. I love only Edward. I love only Edward. I love only Edward. I love only Edward. I love only Edward. I love only Edward. I love only Edward. I love only Edward. I love only Edward. I love only Edward. Maybe if my mind just kept repeating that, it might come true.

_**Feel you when I'm restless  
Feel you when I cannot cope **_

Maybe I do love Jake. Just a little bit. He was always there for me. My glue when I broke into pieces. The person who knows who I really am. The one who understands what I need without me even saying it. And I know he would never hurt me. Not on purpose. He's my Sun. My antidote.

_**  
You're my addiction, my prescription, my antidote  
**_

I looked at the stereo bewildered. This is completely wrong. I'm just under the influence of this stupid song. I don't love Jacob.

_**You kill the poison  
Ease the suffering**_

I do. Maybe. One day. If he loves me, and wants me, even when I'm broken like this, he must really care. He must really love me. And he has been here for me when ever I needed him. My shoulder to cry on. Is it possible, that somewhere in the middle of our laughs, adventures and fights, I just fell in love?

_**  
Calm the rage when I'm afraid  
To feel again  
How can I tell you just all that you are  
What you do to me**_

The song. It was so true. So odd, but true. He _did_ calm my rage, he _did _make mefeel when I thought it was impossible. Do I love him? Do I really love him? Was he right? Was I in love with him? But I love Edward. At least I think I do. Could I love Jacob too? Could I? Now that Edward was gone, leaving me in pieces. No not in pieces. Dead. And yet now someone else made my heart start beating again.

_**Feel your every heartbeat  
Feel you on these empty nights  
You're the strength of my life**_

The song was finishing and I still couldn't move. I didn't even want to move, because the conclusion I just came to felt like betrayal, like I was stabbing Edward in the back. But he was the one that left me. He didn't want me. And Jacob was here. He was always here. Waiting.

Time passed extremely fast, one heartbreaking song after another passed, and my mind just stood in place. Focusing on the one thing I realized. At one point, I heard the door slam, and footsteps, running upstairs. Jake. Back. I somehow moved, after an unknowing amount of time, and stood up walking to the door of my room. It was already open, and Jake was standing there, bare-chested. For some reason my heart skipped a beat, it felt good, after so much time.

" Bella, what happened? I heard music, I was so worried-" he started talking his eyes moving from one corner of the room to the other. I just stared at him, slowly raising my hand to touch his face. He looked down at me, finally falling silent, a puzzled expression on his face. I took a deep breath and smiled.

" I know I love you Jake. I'm in love with you. " I said my voice no more than a whisper. His eyes sparkled when I said it, full of happiness, pure joy. His hands snaked around me, pulling me closer to him, his eyes still gazing at mine. Slowly he bent his head and lowered it to mine, placing his lips softly against mine. This time I knew I wanted it, as much as he did. It was much different than the way Edward used to kiss me, better even. I knew that with Jacob, there were no limits, no rules, I didn't have to be careful with him. I kissed him back eagerly, placing one hand on his chest and snaking the other one around his neck, pulling him closer to me. Hid warm body pressed against my skin felt so normal, so natural. So right. It felt as if it was meant to be, as if it had always been me and him. Bella and Jake. His lips parted, and I could see how much he waited for this kiss. My hands tangled in his hair, pulling him softly, and I could hear a moan somewhere deep in his throat. It felt like hours after when we finally parted, gasping for air. I leaned my head against his shoulder, taking deep breaths. He wrapped his arms around me even closer. I knew he was smiling.

" Damnit, Bella, when you know what you want you really get it don't you?" he said and his voice was almost laughing. I never saw him this happy before. It made me feel even better about this. " I thought it would take you longer to realize. Much longer. Nice surprise, very nice surprise." He said running his fingers through my hair.

" Eh, I catch up on things quickly once I start to think about them." I managed to mumble, kissing his neck. I couldn't believe how right this felt. Easy as breathing.

He laughed " I love you, Isabella Marie Swan." He said kissing my forehead. I chuckled.

" I love you too, Jacob Black. I really do."


	5. Chapter 5

_**2 months later**_

_The sun shone brightly above the green trees. laughter echoed throughout the woods. My laughter. I was running through the forest, a shaggy brown wolf running right behind me, chasing me. That true feeling off happiness stormed through my body.  
" Jake, I'm tired. Come on." I screamed looking over my shoulder straight at him. A wide wolvie grin was spread across his face. I turned around, spreading my arms and colliding right into him.  
" Alright, I give up. You win. You win! You're the best!" my voice was a mere whisper while I burried my face into his soft fur. Now, I had no idea why I used to find his wolf form the least bit scary. He howled, happy, and broke away from me. I looked after him, longingly, as he ran deeper into the forrest. My love. Leaning against a tree, I waited, and son Jake appeared infront of me in his human shape, his chest bare as usual, wearing only his sweats.  
"I always win." he said, his voice it's husky usual self, as he leaned down to kiss my neck. Slowly I closed my eyes and chuckled.  
"No my love, you always cheat. There's a difference." I muttered wrapping my arms around him.  
"Mhmm." he just mumbled back, too busy exploring all the new parts of my neck.  
"I'm...so...happy." I mumbled back. Could you just die off happiness? If you could, I'd be very close to dying, if not already dead. As I said it, I felt a smile appear on Jakes lips, and he parted from me. That I didn't like. Him letting me out of his arms. I already missed him terribely and yet he was standing barely one feet away from me. Was I going crazy? If i was, I coudn't have cared less.  
"What's wrong Jake?" I asked, trying to hide the pouting that appeared after he stepped away from me. I missed the comfort, the warmness that left as he moved, and the only thing I could think of was him holding me in his embrace again. I couldn't believe how much I actually needed him how.  
"Could you promise me something?" he asked, his eyes reminding me of those of a sad puppy dog. It was heartbreaking.  
"Anything." I said without even thinking it through.  
"Promise me... Promise me forever." he said gazing at me longingly, with such love in his eyes.  
"Forever?" I asked slightly confused. What did he mean by forever?  
"Forever." he answered simply, his voice soft. than finally I realized what he meant. He wanted me to promise him this feeling of happiness forever, to promise him me forever, and i couldn't think ofa a thing I could promise him with more passion than that.  
"Forever, Jake. And after." I said wrapping my arms around him and placing my lips against his. But he didn't kiss me back, and all of a sudden his lips were unbeliavably cold. Confused, i parted from him searching for his face, my arms still wrapped around him, and there, instead of Jacob, stood a very hurt and betrayed face of Edward Cullen._

" Wake up Bella, honey. It's O.K. Wake up."  
I could hear a soft voice calling to me. Beautiful, husky. It oddly reminded me off someone, making butterflyes appear in my stomach.  
"Come on. Bell. I'll pour cold water on you."  
The voice called again. But i didn't feel like listening. i didn't want to open my eyes. Thsi felt so good. So perfect. ust listening to that voice. The dark suited me just fine.  
"Oh no! Dmnit. A paper cut. I hope it doesn't bleed too much..."  
My eyes flew open in terror, and i sat up straight, yelling." Keep that blood covered finger far away from me!"  
Jacob laughed hystericaly, looking at me. Than it hit me. There was no paper cut.  
"That was mean, Jacob Black." I mumbled, blushing, feeling incredibely stupid.  
He laughed again, sitting down next to me, and kissing my forehead.  
"I'm sorry, honey. You wouldn't wake up, and it seemed you were having a nightmare." he said his tone apologetic. How could I stay mad at him? Never.  
"Which remindes me-" he continued"-what **were** you dreaming about?"  
I could feel a blank expression appear on my face. I had no idea what he ment. I just awoke froma nother one of my dreamless nights.  
"What are you talking about? I didn't dream at all..." at least none that I can remember.  
A puzzled look crossed his face " Yes you did. You ddi dream. I'm positive. You mumbled something like 'Forever' and than you started... screaming." I could notice a flicker of pain on his face. He didn't like the thought of me in pain, even in such caused by nightmares. I frowned, trying hard to remember, but nothing came to me. As if I didn't dream at all.  
"Are you sure?" I muttered, slightly angered by the fact I forget my apparent nightmare, and no matter how hard I concentrated I couldn't remember.  
"O.K. I give up. I don't care. It couldn't have been something very importand considering I forgot all about it." or it might have been terrible so I just pushed it back. I had a hard time remembering my dreams lately. I sighed and threw my head back on the bed covering it with a pillow.  
Jacob laughed, removing my pillow of shame. "You know I don't like you doing that. I can't help but think you'll somehow manage to suffocate yourself with that pillow." a big grin spread across his face, and his eyebrow shot up. I glared at him, without saying a word, and he just laughed again, swiftly kissing my lips and than standing up, walking to the window. As soon as he walked away I covered my face with the pillow again, just to spite him. I could still feel the taste of his lips, unbareably sweet. I let out a sigh. I was so obviouslly getting obsessed with him. He didn't seem to mind though, worshiping the ground I walk on. Oh how much I loved him, how much I needed him. More than air. Again, I felt myself drifting to sleep.  
" Bella. No! Come on, love. Get up. The Sun came to see you." he said and i knew he was smiling.  
Such a corny line, one that had a completely different meaning to the two of us. Ever since I told him I thought of him as my own personal Sun. I couldn't help but smile. But I pushed back the smile as I removed the pillow.  
" I'll make an eclipse happen if the Sun doesn't shut up and let me be." I mumbled glaring at him.  
That made him frown. "But that wouldn't stop the Sun." he said a smile appearing on his lips again, he walked twoards me sitting next to me, his hand placed against my cheek "I'd fight an eclipse for you. I'll never give you up. I'd die if I did so." his voice was so soft, I just waited till I started melting. But than, what he said about Sam and Emily, not that long ago drifted into my mind. What if Jacob imprinted on someone? It would, without a doubt, kill me.  
" Not nessesarily." I muttered, darkly.  
Jacob looked at me, confused by my mood swing. "Now why would you say that?" he asked slightly angered.  
"You could imprint on someone, and leave me." the thought made me utterly depressed.  
That made him seriously mad. "That's true. But don't dare think I would ever leave you for anyone. I don't care if I imprint on someone. You can't love someone as much as I love you, it's impossible. I would die without you Bella. Now that I finally have you, now that I can finally hold you, kiss you, nothing will ever make me leave you. I would rather die than leave you. And besides, I don't notice anyone around me, I don't see them. My eyes are only for you. So don't you dare, ever say that again." he said placing my head between his hands.  
For some reason tears started falling down my cheeks. i was so afraid of losing him. No matter what he said, I was so affraid.  
His eyes softened and he looked at me pained. "What now? I'm sorry if I yelled Bella, really. Please don't cry." he said, sweaping me in one swift movement out of bed and into his lap. He started rocking me softly, holding me almost too tightly against him.  
"Please don't cry, love, please." I could hear honest pain in his voice. I knew I was torturing him by this. It made me feel even worse, making me want to cry even harder, but I tried getting a grip, stopping the tears that were storming down my face.  
"It's not you. I'm just...scared Jake." I managed to mumble, hiding my face in his chest. He made me look up at him  
"There is nothing to be scared of Bell. It's simple. I'm never leaving you. No matter what you think, no matter what life makes us face, we'll make it. We've already been through hell and back, what's an extra mile gonna do? I'm never leaving you. You hear that?"his voice was so soft, so sweet. I felt so much love for him, that at that moment, I was affraid I'd explode.  
Somehow, I managed to smile." I love you so much Jake, it sometimes even hurts." I said looking into his eyes, and wrapping my arms around him. Before he could say any thing I just placed my lips against his. There was no need to speak again. I knew he would Kiss me back, wrapping his arms tighter around me, shifting me so I'd be placed in his lap more practically. I deepened the kiss, unable to believe the passion, pure electricity that was created by us, probably even strong enough to power up my hair dryer, and more. I removed one hand from around his neck, starting to unbutton his shirt, when the door of my room flew open. We parted swiftly, both facing the open door, and Charlie standing there.  
"Dad!" I said, feeling my cheeks turn unbeliavably red.  
"Oh, I'm sorry kids." he said slamming the door shut again.  
I sighed desperately. He really knew how to make things awkward.  
Jacob just chuckled, kissing my lips again, and picking me up, placing me on the floor of my room.  
" I think that would be my cue to go." he whispered into my ear, kissing my neck.  
"No!" I protested. I was ready to tackle him so he'd stay.  
He laughed again, moving his lips from my neck to my face. "I have to. I've been here 2 days already. I need to check up on Billy, as much as I hate to leave." slowly he started to button up his shirt, I was proud of myself, I managed to unbutton almost all the buttons, in a record time.  
I sighed, giving up. "Fine. Leave." I said pouting.  
"You know I don't want to.  
"Than don't."  
"I have to."  
I gave up walking to my door and opening it, I waited till Jake picked up his jacket and than took his hand, walking out my room and down the stairs. My hand was such a perfect match in his.  
We were at the door too quickly, and he was already kissing me goodbye. I watched him leave in sadness. I hated being away from him.  
Very slowly, I walked into the kitchen, Charlie was sitting at the table, and I didn't even want to imagine how awkward this will be. Charlie caughed once, than twice, than a few time after that. Rolling my eyes i turned around.  
"You O.K Dad?" I asked him, my voice soft. I knew exactly what was bothering him.  
"Um...yes...fine." he mumbled drinking a quite large sip of his coffee. I just shook my head, waiting for it, as I grabbed the cereal and milk.  
"It's just-" he started and I turned to face him."- I hope you know all the...uhm...things you need to know about...uhm...sex. The protection you need to use. I mean...uhm...I'm sure you and Jake aren't really read to have a baby running around. And i'm O.K with it all. If you think you're...uhm... ready for sex, than I'm sure you know...uhm...best..." this conversation was making the both of us blush intensly.  
"DAD! I'm not having sex with Jacob." Yet. Still, I couldn't believe he wanted us to have that conversation. It was torture. "Now please Dad. I want to eat breakfest, before I get to disgusted to do so." I said sitting at the table and digging into my cereal.  
"Oh...O.K than." he didn't seem to mind the topic change at all.  
Than we fell silent. After I ate I switched myself to watching TV, even though I didn't really pay much atention to what was playing, daydreaming like always. Charlie left, fishing, just like almost any other saturday. And I was alone, with Jacob home, in La Push. There was only one thing on my mind, one thing that was always on my mind. Jacob.  
Sudenly my thoughts were broken by the phone ringing. I stood up, and picked it up, unwillingly.  
"Hello?" I mumbled, completely lifeless.  
"Meet me at the beach." it was Jacob, his voice excited.  
I was emediately lifted by that "O.K. I'll go now."  
"Great. I'll be waiting, love."  
And with that he hung up. My mood was completely lifted.  
I got dressed as quickly as I could and left the house, in extreme hurry. Finally, I wished my car could have gone faster than it could. As I finally reached the beach, my heart started beating extremely fast, and as I saw Jake, I thought I'll faint. He cut his hair, only slightly shorter, and was wearing a black shirt with short sleves, his musles looked perfect under it, and jeans. He looked so unbeliavably beautiful in the now, already setting sun. I was completely bewitched by him. As he noticed me, he grinned and started walking twoards me.  
"Close your mouth Bella." he said as he reached me. I didn't even notice my jaw dropped. I closed it.  
"What's with the hurry?" I managed to mumble, unsure if my words even made sense.  
"No hurry, I just missed you." he said taking my hand between his " And besides, I have something to give you." he finished smiling. And for a seconed, when I saw him taking out a velvet box, I froze. Was he going to ask me to marry him? No. No. I won't. I'm too young. very one would gossip. But on the other hand, I loved him, and I would want nothing more than to marry him. Just not yet. he laughed when he saw my expression.  
"Relax, Bell. I'm not gonna propose." he said grinning.  
I couldn't help but sigh, still feeling stupid he realized what was bothering me. He opened the box and i saw a necklace, a ring on a gold string. I looked up at him, puzzled.  
He was obviouslly enjyoing the fact he took me by suprise. He too the necklace in his hand and slowly put it around my neck, befor looking into my eyes.  
" The ring symbolizes eternity. And my eternal love for you. I am yours Bella. Forever. And once you're ready, I will place a ring around your finger not your neck. For now, this is just to reminde you, I'll never leave you. I love you. Forever."  
I smiled, he made me so happy. I looked at the ring, a tear falling down my cheek. It was the nicest thing anyone ever did to me.  
"And after Jake." I said wrapping my arms around him. He hgged me back, pulling me closer, stroking my hair with his fingers, and couldn't shake off the feeling this reminded me too much off something.  
And even in this blisfull happiness, in the arms of jacob, watching the most beautiful twilight of my life, I couldn't shake off the feeling, something terribely wrong is going to happen. Soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Just another day in Forks. Rain was pouring down heavily all morning. You might even say it was a boring day. But not for me. For me, it was an extremely stressful day, and I had to fight hard to not bite all my nails off. I circled the whole house a few times already, tried listening to music, or reading, but nothing worked, I was too worried to think about anything but Jacob. I kept rewinding the conversation we had last night over and over in my head, wanting it to calm me down, even slightly so. But it didn't work. Nothing worked.

_"Don't go." my voice was firm as I spoke. Face dead serious. He looked out the window as if he couldn't talk. I could see pain in his eyes as he looked back at me.  
"I have to." his voice was a mere whisper "Please don't do this again Bella. I already explained to you, we have to go check the situation out. It's getting serious." he said his mouth set into a straight line. My eyes were piercing through him, burning him.  
"Yeah, exactly my point. It's getting 'serious'. Jake, You can't go. Do you realize what it would do to me? If you died? I'd have no reason to live anymore. How can you not realize that you idiot! You can't do this to me! You can't! You promised. You said you'd do anything for me. Than stay. Don't go. Just stay. Here. With me." by the end I was screaming, pain so clear in my voice. He had to stay, he couldn't go. No. What if there were Vampires around Phoenix? What if there was a bunch of them and they attacked him? What if he got hurt and I wasn't there, by his side? What if I never see him again?  
"You can't ask that of me. I won't die. I can promise you that. But leave, I must." he said looking at me his eyes smoldering. He realized how much pain this caused me, and I knew he didn't like it. That's why I kept playing that card, pain, as evil as it was.  
"How do you know? They could kill you. There could be a lot of them and you..." my words just drifted away, I couldn't say it. I couldn't speak. Losing him, it would be the end of my world. I could feel my knees weaken, and soon I was falling to the ground. But Jacob was there, in a heartbeat, catching me before I had the chance to touch the ground. He was the one in pain now.  
"Bell, please stop it. You need to let me go. I will come back to you. I will be O.K as long as I have you waiting for me when I come back. As long as I have you to live for, I will live. Now please. Let me go." he said, stroking my hair with his fingers, stopping my body from shaking, and his words were so true I had no other choice but to believe him. I had no other choice.  
"Go." I whispered very silently. "Go, Jacob. But come back to me." my eyes were searching for his, searching for comfort. I felt so weak, so lifeless, as if those few words sucked the life out of me. He stood up and placed me on my bed. A small smile crossing his face.  
"Thank you. I will be back. Before the sun sets tomorrow." he said, his voice husky. As he kissed my lifeless lips and walked towards the door. "I love you Isabella Marie Swan." I could hear him say before the door closed and the room fell silent. And so did my heart._

I couldn't stay inside anymore. I had to move, I had to run, I had to do something. just standing here was making me depressed and useless. Taking my coat, I put on my shoes and run outside, locking the front door shut. Soon I was running, drops of rain covering my body, washing away my pain, my sorrow, and it wasn't until an hour later that I realized I was crying. This reminded me too much of something. This running through the forest, feeling like my lungs were about to burst. It reminded me too much of when Edward left me. But Jacob didn't leave. Jacob will be alright. He will come back, alive, and in a few years I will laugh at how stupid I was. Yes. everything would end up O.K. because Jacob would never leave me. He will stay. Stay forever. My hand was twirling around the ring he gave me. Eternity. After an unknown period of time, I stopped running, gasping for air. I looked around the forest, trying to figure out where I was. On a clearing. And there was someone there. I tried to look at him better, see the person more clear. It bothered me, no one in their right mind would stand in the rain alone, in the middle of the forest. No one but me, but than again, I'm not really an extremely sane person myself. It looked so familiar, the way the person stood, careless in the rain. Why did it look so familiar? Something I pushed back? I walked forward, trying to get a better view of the person, but the rain was making it hard to see. Until finally, I was absolutely sure who it was, and I could feel my knees weaken. It was just a dream. I'm dreaming. I tried convincing myself it would just go away if I closed my eyes. And so I did, but when I opened them, he was still there. standing, watching, piercing me with his golden eyes.  
"Edward." i wasn't even sure I was speaking. I didn't know if it was still raining, I couldn't feel it, I couldn't see it. the only thing I could see was the pale godlike face of Edward Cullen.  
"Bella." his velvet voice echoed through my body as he started waking towards me. I was numb as he grabbed my hand in his and crossed his fingers over my wrist. I could see he had no intention of speaking anything else but my name.  
"Edward. What. What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice dull. I was making an effort in speaking clearly. also, putting almost all I had in me to not collapse. I couldn't look at his eyes. it was too painful. It hurt too much, way too much.  
"I'm back. In a way." he said, debating what to say "I'm back because of you actually. I tried being without you Bella. I tried, i really did. I knew life without me was better for you so I tried. But I couldn't. Life is meaningless without you. At first I could go through a week without completely loosing it, it was hard of course, but i could do it. Than I could barely hold it together for a day, an hour, without thinking of you and completely breaking down. I had to come, see you. I didn't want you to see me at first though. this wasn't how I pictured our reunion looking like. I was just going to check up on you. But than I smelled you as I was running here through the woods. You smell so nice on the rain, did I tell you that already? And I couldn't go. I couldn't leave. I had to see you. touch you. I guess I'm not a strong a man as I thought I was."he was talking so fast I had a hard time keeping up, being almost completely brain dead as I was at the moment.  
"I love you Bella. I always did. I always will. My life make no sense without you." he said touching my face with his pale fingers. My eyes closed, I couldn't keep them open, no matter how hard I tried to. He was saying the words I longed to hear for so long. The words I dreamed of for so long. It seemed as if I was dreaming. But I knew this was no dream. Edward wasn't part of my dreams anymore. Jacob was.  
"Edward. Don't." I said opening my eyes. I saw his face was hard as a stone now. He notice I wasn't all that happy to see him.  
"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice serious, his hand dropped from my face to my hand.  
"You can't just show up like this and expect me to fall in your arms. You said you didn't love me any more. You said you had distractions. Have you no idea how much that hurt me? I was practically declared dead." as I talked I felt my voice grow stronger.  
"I lied. How could you believe that? How could you believe I didn't love you any more? After all the time I told you I loved you, after all the times I told you I would die without you. I lied Bella. i shouldn't have. But I did. I thought it would be better for you that way. I still think it would. But I had to see you. I couldn't live like that any longer, I could hardly make it through the hour-" he started talking again, his hands exploring my waist up to my shoulders, my neck, my face. Until he leaned forward and touched my lips with his. All my will melted as I felt his lips on mine. I could feel a lost love burning inside me. Filling my heart. That kiss. the kiss I longed for.  
"Edward. No." I said pulling all my will into pushing him away. He was like stone, and I couldn't move him, even for an inch."Edward. Stop." I said trying harder, until finally he moved away from me.  
"Edward. I can't. I've moved on. There's...someone else." I mumbled, and it seemed like I would never be able to speak again. It was the hardest thing I ever had to say. I could see emotions playing on his face. Pain, sadness, hurt, jealousy, even betrayal, until finally it turned to stone again.  
"Someone...else." he repeated. Hurt. I hated myself. "Well. that's. Fair I guess. That's what I wanted. You to move on. I just didn't realize, it would hurt this much." he said looking at me piercing. "You don't love me anymore?"  
"Edward. I moved on." I said again, not knowing how to answer that question. He saw my doubts clearly.  
"Just answer me. Do you still love me?" he pushed, determined to get his answer.  
I let a sigh escape my lips. 2Yes. Yes i still love you." and as I said it I could feel a part of me die somewhere deep inside. Another part kept screaming Jacobs name in my head, as if I wasn't aware of him with every part of my being. His necklace was burning my skin, like acid. Edward hugged me closer, it seemed as if that was enough for him. the knowledge I still loved him.  
"Edward. Wait. I love you. But I love Jacob more." I said trying to push him away again.  
"That dog? You love-" he started saying, pure hate in his voice.  
"No I love Jacob. Not a 'dog'. And I couldn't care less what he was." I cut in, mad at him calling Jake a dog. He deserved so much more. more than me discussing my love with Edward.  
"But you love me too." he wasn't going to give up. This was hurting much more than I anticipated.  
"Listen, it's like this. Edward you have my heart. you were my first love, and I will always love you. Once I thought there was no life without you, yet I must have been wrong seeing I'm still alive. But Jacob. Jacob IS my heart. Without him, I am dead. He doesn't have my heart, he is my heart." I said explaining it the best I could. It seemed as if he understood. I watched him carefully, seeing pain on his face. "I'm sorry Edward." I added silently.  
"It's not your fault." he said, the beginnings of a smile appearing on his face. It didn't come even close to his eyes. He raised his hands and shook his wet hair. I didn't even realize it stopped raining until than. "You moved on, just as I intended you too. It's my fault. I'm happy for you Bella. Really. I'm glad your happy." he said and I knew he meant it, as much as it hurt him to say it. "Though, It would be better if your choice of love wasn't a werewolf." he said shaking his head "You really know how to pick them don't you? What's that wrong with humans, eh?"  
I laughed at this. Edward always could make me laugh."Human are dull." I answered, shrugging. I could see him smiling, yet again, it didn't reach his eyes.  
"Is this goodbye Bella?" he asked me, pain in his voice. I knew he was having a hard time keeping it together. So was I.  
"Yes, I think it is." I said looking up at the now clear sky. It was sunset. 2i hope this one will be better than the last." I added looking down at him, trying to smile.  
"Yeah." he said and looked down, it seemed as if he was concentrating, but than he was looking at me, eyes piercing. Begging. Pleading.  
"One last kiss?" he asked me, there was longing in his eyes. I couldn't find the strength to tell him no. I just nodded. And soon he had his hands around me, soft as always, his face only inches from mine.  
"I'll always love you Bella. Always." he said and than he kissed me. Soft yet, hard. It was stronger than any kiss we ever had. He opened his mouth, deepening the kiss, and i was lost, completely lost in this kiss, unlike any other kiss we ever shared. As if he had no limits now. I kissed him back, stronger than ever. remembering this is the last time. the last time I was going to twirl his hair around my fingers. The last time I was going to feel his strong body pressed into mine. The last time I was going to smell him, his beautiful natural perfume. And the moment I wanted it most, I wanted him most, I stopped kissing him. My hands falling next to my body, waiting till he stopped. He was over the minute he sensed my rejection. I could see the hunger in his eyes, but I wasn't quite sure what type of hunger it was. Taking deep breaths he raised his hand and traced my jaw line with his finger.  
"Bela." he mouthed.  
Than there was a sound, bushes shaking. Running. Close. My head twirled around but there was nothing there. Only one shoe and some ripped jeans. My eyes went wide in horror as I pieced it all together.

_"I will be back. Before the sun sets tomorrow."_

"Jacob!" I screamed, realizing, in complete horror, the sun had already set.


End file.
